“The innovator, whose reform turns into schism, lacks patience.  He does not respect the delays of  God and of the Church, the delays of life. He moves with a rigid and exasperated logic toward “all-or-nothing” solutions, in which viable elements are cast off with all others.  He all but puts the Church in the position of living to meet his demands, or else he quits it.”

I realize that it was I who created schism in my own heart because of my impatience to set everything on fire with God.  Nothing was happening fast enough for my liking. Nothing was being enlivened, engulfed, or set ablaze in God’s glory.  I was called to the study of Theology so my heart could feel the heat of the mystical burning bush in a slow consuming form.  In these years of study, the flame which once was out of control, has been contained into a purposeful, slow burning, hot ember with the purpose of igniting that which comes close.

“I mean a certain disposition of soul and of spirit mindful of necessary delays, a certain humility and pliancy of spirit, the awareness of imperfections, even of inevitable ones.” I couldn’t understand or appreciate the slow wheels of change and the lasting effects of building upon the solid foundation which already existed.  I made the mistake of believing “I will” or even ‘You/he/she/they will”, instead of “God’s Will.”

I hope…I know, God will allow me another chance within the Community of His faithful to, temper my zeal with humility so as to be heard, have a deeper, learned understanding of His word, a reverent appreciation of true Gospel evangelization, and allow me to place impatience aside and trust in His plans.