In June of 2012, I took an impromptu trip with my oldest brother who is a long distance transportation specialist. Somehow, the idea of visiting with him and his family put me in the front seat of his tractor trailer.  At the time, I was feeling like things were amiss somewhere and I felt the need to step back and reassess.  Totally not to character,  I hugged my husband and kids goodbye and jumped in the rig and we hit the road. 

It’s an interesting perspective being so high from the road!   We traveled and talked through the various coastal states back to North Carolina. We even made a pitstop to briefly visit our biological father who I hadn’t seen nor heard from in 25 years.  It was odd, to say the least, to see a man that has shared his DNA but no real life otherwise. The highlight was being with my brother and his family.  It was to be my first taste of inner change and an awakening of a life that could be savored and appreciated.  His wife is European and a wonderful cook.  Our few days together consisted of a light breakfast, playing with my then 3 yr old grand niece and relaxing in their pool. We lunched unhurriedly, and meandered through the garden picking blueberries and raspberries. Before I knew it, it was 5 PM.  Friends and their older children would come by, we’d have wine and cheese, a carefree dinner, conversation and many laughs.  Before I could look up, it was 11:00 PM.  I was bewildered!  I did not rush any part of my day, I was not thinking about errands, tasks or even what we should plan.  I just let the day be whatever it was suppose to be.  I had never done that before!

What I will always cherish is the new appreciation of time.  How simply it passes but how truly fulfilling it was partaking  in these content moments.  It was being present in each day for the mere beauty of being alive.  I went home unbeknownst that the next few years were about to explode.  The old life, as I knew it, was burning to ashes and from it a new, spiritually informed, ideal life. 

I realize now that this time was the beginning of an awakening to contemplation which would initiate an inconsolable need for God.  Through this course of my studies in Theology, I have learned that between Martha and Mary, I was definitely more Martha. However, over these few short years, I can see the determined pull of Mary from within.  Jesus says, that is the better choice.  Jesus is always right and never disappoints.