Reflection from a year ago:

I thought I was in a professional place that was a true calling. However, my expectations and the reality clashed like hot and cold air.  After awhile, I began to see and hear things that weren’t wonderful. My heart and soul began to sink and my expectations were dropping like rocks into an abyss. My rose colored glasses were cracked and my inner turmoil surmounted to daily encouragement sessions searching for Scripture, praying and talking with other faithful in the community.

I know for certain, God wants us to be happy. Who doesn’t want their child to be happy?  I made an incredibly difficult decision to leave that particular place because it felt exclusive and empty.  Of course, the reaction and subsequent indignant murmurings were apropos to the atmosphere.  But, even with that, I felt compelled to rise above, to still be involved in some way. I offered my time. I offered assistance. I offered encouragement to the employees still there.  I offered prayers. I wanted to be involved in God’s purpose within those walls and beyond. But, it was not to be again.  

Finally, after 9 agonizing months of wondering why He didn’t want me involved there, I came upon this meme:

I am in a place of learning, observation and of contemplation. All is where it should be and meant to be for this moment. I will only look back to see my journey as it’s reflected in the Risen Son ahead. He has all the doors open, each with its own reward, selected personally for me.

Kyrie Eleison,

Paula